Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
