why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
this boner is exhausting
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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