just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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