dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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