she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Randomize
