Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
