First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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