you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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