i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Everything about him screamed your future.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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