Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
