he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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