Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
