My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
