you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
