Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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