Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Oh god it's open bar.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
