I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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