My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Success! We fucked roommates!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm both gender and math confused
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
