I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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