I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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