My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
