Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
