I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
