then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
