No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
