I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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