Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
