You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
