i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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