You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize