I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The uberlube is also flammable
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
