they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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