Someone shit on the floor
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
