I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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