Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
