she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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