you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
