dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
