I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
