i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
