Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
