I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize