I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
