Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
