dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
