weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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