so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
