I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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