What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
