life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
your room smells of hookers.
And success
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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