at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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