also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
