is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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