pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
