I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
