Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
