And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
