what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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