Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
