this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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