so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
