Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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