wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just want nice things and good sex
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
