Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
