I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
