she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
