It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
