wanna go halves on a baby?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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