its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
