good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
