i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
