I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It's just like the Real World with babies
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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