OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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