I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
