I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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