did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
