I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
