..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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