I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
