Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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