Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize