I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
