I checked into jail on foursquare
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
