How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
