Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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