matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
