Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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