You work out of a Hotel?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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