Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
