winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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