hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My pussy is not your playground.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
It's never too late to be topless.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
