Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
