alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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