This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
