i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
