Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
