I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
