my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
