things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
