If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
