she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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