when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
