D3 body, D1 cock
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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