I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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