These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
