he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
