its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
