I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
