Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
