Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
why do cheetos always look like penises
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
