so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
